Friday, November 11, 2016

Relating with the opposite sex and marital decisions

Pastors and public figures too, fall into the group of those mostly accused for disappointing people in marriage. For instance a lady who takes it upon herself to cook and do other domestic chores for the pastor, lecturer or public figure might be doing this with marriage at the back of her mind. 

 Some go as far as buying birthday and Christmas gifts for the person involved, this is dangerous. Some of the men or women under this kind of “gift and hospitality” pressure might be boxed to an emotional corner where they marry the person involved as a way compensating them. 

 Marriage triggered by gifts and compensation do not often last or may not be as colourful and romantic as it ought to be. It is good to set the boundary in time so as to avoid damaging comments like, “After eating my food and accepting all the gifts I showered on him/her, he/she married another man/woman.”

The desire for the opposite sex also has a psychological or rather a developmental root. There is a stage in a child's development where there is an unconscious sexual desire of a child for the parent of the opposite sex. 

 Psychologists call this the Oedipus complex. Parents should take note of this stage and act accordingly to avoid a fixation. A boy or a girl can get to a stage in life where the boy for instance imitates the mother by wearing her clothes and applying her make-ups. 

 Some boys instead of standing to urinate as men stoop like the women to urinate. Serious attention should be given to the children to ensure that they develop in line with their sex so that we will not excuse away their abnormal behaviours as “natural sexual orientation.” 

Parents should be careful to watch the habits and nature of their children to determine their suitability for boarding school. Most of these abnormal sexual orientations are gotten from the boarding school. When a boy and girl of primary school begin to play “mummy and daddy” by mimicking sexual acts, the parents should watch it and reorder the sleeping rooms. Children who sleep with their parents can be curious and may peep!

Because of the freedom the university and higher institution offer our young people, some of them rush to make marriage proposals. The advice of my lecturer in those days can be quite helpful to some extent: “You may marry from your class but do not marry your classmate.” Before you propose or agree to marry somebody, think twice.

Can I wait for this boy to finish his schooling and get a job? Will I not get older by then and miss some serious people who are financially and socially ready to marry me? Will this relationship allow me to concentrate and finish my studies and come out with good grades? Can I keep the relationship pure by avoiding kissing, cuddling and sex for up to four to five years or even more?

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